Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe follows the heroic exploits of a galactic defender, played by Jesse Ventura, who comes to Earth to--wait, wait, that can’t be right. Jesse Ventura? The washed-up 80s wrestler known primarily for his feather boas and conspiracy theories? No, no way. Who would let THAT GUY guard a universe? Forget that, who would even let him guard some small part of the universe? Say, a state of the United States of America, a state with a population of roughly 5.3 million, perhaps located in the Midwest, with an area of 86,939 square miles, famous for its thousands of lakes? Totally implausible, the world just isn’t that silly.